Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
