I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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