so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
