That's when you crack a 10am beer
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
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