so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
