he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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