2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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