I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
