Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
