Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
