Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
