your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
