were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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