so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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