So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
