so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
