Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
