Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
