You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
