K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I CAN MOONWALK!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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