I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
