So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
