apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Boobs speak an international language.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
