Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
