I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
