I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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