why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
