I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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