Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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