im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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