I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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