weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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