Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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