Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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