i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
