Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
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Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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