I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i wish my penis had a tongue
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
do nipples grow back?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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