Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
