I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
