And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
