im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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