when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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