Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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