they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
