Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
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can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize