i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
