I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
