i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
