If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
