There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
