Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
