so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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