My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
