i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
