would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
