Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
