I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
