I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
