I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
