I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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