he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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