I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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