I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
ok first of all what the fuck
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
