So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
