finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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