When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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