so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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