My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
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We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
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I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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