You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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