Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
These tits shall not be calmed
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
