Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
this hospital has no fireball
All I want is dick and wine.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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