Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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