i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
